The Almagest

Issue date: 7/22/10 Section: Life

Media Credit: nytimes.com

It seems like girls have all the fun, and it sucks. You often hear about "Girls' Night Out," while the guys are left to their own devices. Women have "Painting with a Twist," where they can go drink wine with their girlfriends and learn how to paint; "Slumber Parties," where they drink, talk about men and buy sex toys; and numerous other events aimed at female bonding. So, with my manhood in tow, I set out to find some exciting places and plans where men can get even on the fun scale by having a "Guys' Night Out."

From my research, apparently "Girls' Night Out" isn't a night out on the town at all, but an all day event which includes "a lot of wine, make up and getting dressed up," as one female source informed me. So, in the spirit of making a competitive run at GNO, my guy friends and I packed up early on a Friday morning to prepare for an epic evening of debauchery and fun.

The first stop of the day was the Hub, located on East Texas Street. It is one of the few bars in town that opens before noon. The guys and I enjoyed a few pints of Budweiser before getting ready for the evening. It felt good and manly to be drinking at such an early hour of the day; we felt like modern day Mongols seizing control of our lives and barreling towards some unknown destination where we would conquer all those afraid to live their lives.

The next stop was an old fashioned barbershop. Women get together to do their nails and hair, so we figured it would be a good idea to do some group grooming as well. We sat in those rusty barber chairs as if they were thrones. As my barber, Murray, laid the straight razor upon my neck, I could not help but feel like an idiot. I mean, women have been getting together like this for years, and I just figured it out. Within the first three hours of our first organized "Guys Night Out," I was having more fun than I have in years. Next, we went back to the house to get ready.

Usually, like any other normal guy, I think about what I'm wearing for the day for all of two seconds, but for a special occasion like this the perfect outfit was needed. I chose to go with a masculine garb that looked like it came out of Johnny Cash's closet, pure black from head to toe. After getting ready, but before going out to paint the town, we gathered our minds and mentally prepared ourselves by drinking a few beers and playing the new UFC game for PS3, "Undisputed."

Continued...

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